Our weekly word churner came up with 1,000 words to describe Town’s disastrous season through the end of February when they were asked to fill a 1,000 word slot in their show. Yes, that is correct—prior to the outrageous Forest Green farrago, which was a colourful riot. Go ahead and read; it’s a worthwhile activity. That’s the reason we’re here.
Back then, on the first day of the season, all those months ago, we were off like excited puppies into the fourth division’s wilderness and suffering. Was Wimbledon a good tournament? Were we? At the time, nobody was aware of anything.
We currently do.
Where did everything go awry?
It is football’s yin and yang, that harsh cosmic balance where a tremendous high had to give rise to a lesser low. To what extent are we able to descend? We’re embarking on a discovery voyage.
Throughout this century, we have alternated between searching the bins for past-due produce and identifying unusually shaped veggies, and occasionally visiting the large stores in Sheffield’s bustling, international city when we discovered some extra cash behind the couch. However, following two exceptional seasons of illuminating magnificence under new management, we have changed. Oh no, we have changed. We’re contemporary, vibrant, competent, and common sense. We’ve got plans.
We want to live the good life, to be independent artists who cultivate our own. However, that’s the future, and as we all know, the future belongs to the kids. Value is the main focus of the present. Our new computer is plugged in and has an internet connection. We employed a personal shopper, gave him a few gift tokens we had won the previous year, and gave him a long list of summertime toys for little Paul Hurst to play with.
On paper, it all made perfect sense.
It started with a miss
The season had such a blah beginning. A win or two, a loss here, a draw there. “Not quite but almost” described everything. Potential and possibilities were present. We were moving in the middle of the table, unseen, by early September. Leading by our secret star signing, Kamil Conteh, Town showed off a lavish display of passing and passion at Bradford for a TV match that left everyone in awe.
in the initial segment.
We haven’t been the same since the dressing room lights must have been turned off at halftime.
The timidity exhibited by Wrexham was disheartening, particularly considering our victory over them in the Most Epic Play-Off Game Ever barely a year prior. However, the situation only got worse from there on out. Give-ins and blatantly bizarre goals given up against teams that aimed to be ordinary. Priceless points were thrown away with indifference, akin to inebriated indolent behaviour. Under Paul Hurst, there was a softness and listlessness we had never experienced before. After a weak, meek meander at Doncaster and an implosion at home to Colchester, the crowd curdled.
Paul Hurst vanished after that. Many people failed to see the irony that the man we had just fired fit the description of the ideal manager for the situation we were in. Indeed, he left with a feeling of love, respect, and regret—especially from the people who had just fired him.
The boil was then lanced. Was it, or was it not?
Given that Town went undefeated in November, the ship appeared stable. In the meantime, a rigorous selection process was in place to find a new hero, and when the two finalists met, they faced the ultimate test: would they eat the sandwiches at our Chairman’s house?
A whole new world
On November 27, 2023, David Artell appeared out of white smoke, promising a brave new world. In due course. He stated that there will be hiccups along the way since progress is not linear. The players would need to undergo reeducation in order to play fluid football, but they will eventually succeed. He told us that we wouldn’t give up.
People’s hearts were racing wildly after a heartwarming draw at an unnamed location, a stroll over a limp Crewe and an impressive performance at Oxford. They cooed like pigeons and started looking up at the stars instead of down into the gutter. However, is half of the glass empty or half full? We can probably safely state that there isn’t any glass present at Blundell Park after Christmas.
It could be considered unfortunate to lose at home to Harrogate, and it would be difficult to attribute a loss at Mansfield to negligence, but to lose 6-1 at home to Walsall is truly below Dante’s ninth circle of hell. We were both stunned and shocked. And again the following week, when the clown car continued to carve a hilarious path through our minds while we played to a 5-5 draw against Notts County, a team that also detested having to defend. Without even trying, Tranmere arrived, saw, and took control; thirty minutes later, Stockport showed mercy and declared war on three.
And finally, there was the Donny debacle, a crushing 5-1 defeat, another game that ended before half the spectators had settled into their seats. Blundell Park gave up 21 goals on 29 shots in five games in 2024. The boys are here to entertain you, so meet the gang. not us, though.
What’s happening in the world? Another player churn is bringing about a revolution in the air. If you constantly stir, how can you ever gel? Playing junior Pepball, New Town Mark II diced with death and danced with disaster while being pickpocketed by cunning day trippers. The players appear to have never met. Of them, half hadn’t.
Well, things are different away from home now that Paul Hurst’s defenestration in October has resulted in just one league loss. What a bizarre, chaotic, and confused world we live in. Town’s continued home games are just unfortunate.
Someone left our cake out in the rain
Every post had been upgraded during the revolution summer. That’s what we believed, anyway. Every player we signed appeared to be an improved version of the player they replaced, but the combination of traits and personalities has gone wrong, as evidenced by the fact that each time the cake comes out of the oven, the outside is crumbly and the inside is mushy. We simply haven’t mastered the art of balance in life yet.
Not enough spice, too much sugar. You still have time to get it perfect.
